Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
