i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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