From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's always time for handjobs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
