i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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