Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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