She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
