There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
