Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
