There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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