I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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