lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
