Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
did i just pee glitter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
