im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
