Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
