WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
