Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
