you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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