I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
