Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
