See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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