I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
