i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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