I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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