She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
