You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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