i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
