I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
