Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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