when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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