I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
