dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
