guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
