grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
