My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
