I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
