Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
