I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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