And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
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i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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