halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize