did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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