chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
