And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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