I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
