I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
