Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
