Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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