Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
