He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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