God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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