i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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