I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
