I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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