I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
