If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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