Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize