If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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