If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
