I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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