Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
