but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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