who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
