Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My dick has a subreddit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
