i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize