sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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