Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
