Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
