I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
