Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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