Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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