I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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