nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
