Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
