I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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