you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
