No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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