What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
